The Waiting Game...and Other Ramblings!

Don't ya just hate waiting for something?!?! How come when you don't look forward to something it comes really really fast? And how come when you look forward to something it seems to stop time!?!?! As most of you know we have been trying to have another baby for 4 months and this month seems sooo slow! I don't have this overwhelming feeling that I am pregnant, like I did with Preston, but I am still talking to God and asking for Him to will us to get pregnant this month! I have decided that I am not going to get my hopes up and I think its working. However, there is that tiny tiny voice in my head telling me that it will be positive this month. Only time will tell and to save me some stress and some money I have decided to not test as early as humanly possible. I mean we all know First Response makes all its money off the girls that test 5 times a month to get that early result that never comes!

So begins the waiting game...again...among this time of waiting I have discovered that while I am experiencing this trial others seem to be thriving with fertility and are getting pregnant from just looking at their husbands. I mean my mom said the other day that her friend who is almost 40 and on birth control got pregnant and it was such a surprise to her. I mean really?!?! I know they say that when you are trying too hard it won't happen and that you don't need to stress about it. Well whoever said that never took longer than a couple months to get pregnant, like me the first time getting pregnant. I know that I shouldn't complain as God has blessed us with one child and I know deep down He will bless us with more when the time is right. I mean we may think we are ready but God obviously knows otherwise.

Also why do people always feel the need to ask when you plan on having the next baby??? I was this person until I was on this side of the trying and I promise I won't ask again! I was first hit with this realization a few weeks ago after finding out about a sister in law's pregnancy. While I am SO excited for her and can't wait to have another niece or finally have a nephew my heart sank. I was confronted with it the first time and the question that so often never bothered me started to tug at my heart. When are you going to have another baby??!?! A simple question right. Should be no problem to answer...but for me for some reason it was! The first time I laughed and joked it off. All the while saying times tables in my head to stop the tears from forming. The second time I made a complete fool of myself and stated I did not really want to talk about it while the tears started to drop (didn't help that the room went silent when the question was asked and I was at a bridal shower). I am sure I looked like a crazy person and am TOTALLY embarrassed about it! I surprised myself this last go round when asked as I just said hopefully soon and thankfully there were no tears.

I know this is a long boring and overly personal blog post but I felt like I needed to get it off my chest and since this is kinda like therapy I thought it might help. I promise to not bog down my blog with lots of these so I am cramming it into this one post. Hopefully my next one will be happier and I will have good news. If not it's okay. I know that God will provide.